Remind Me: Commitment

Remember when you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other? Remember when everything he said made you laugh, or each time you looked at her you thought you were the luckiest man in the world? Sometimes we get caught up in our lives and forget about the people that mean the most to us. That usually means our spouse. How do we remind each other of things that we used to do? What do we do for our spouse to make sure that we are letting them know that we love them?

This duet by Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood is a good reminder to each one of us that we have committed ourselves to our spouse.  We have committed to each other that we will remind each other how much we care, appreciate, and love one another. Jeffry Larson (2003) had some great ideas about commitment in his book, The Great Marriage Tune-Up. Larson says, “You can always increase your commitment. Add love to commitment, and you can overcome just about any marital problems” (Larson, 51). He goes on to say that commitment will keep you together in times of struggle and stress, you make a personal dedication to that one person.

I know the importance of commitment in marriage and yet I too find myself getting lost in my daily life and forget to remind my spouse how much I love him and appreciate him. I lose a sense of intimacy with him when I forget about my personal dedication I made to him.

UCLA psychologists conducted a study of 172 married couples over the first 11 years of their marriage and answered the question of what being committed to your marriage really means. They discovered that being committed to your relationship could mean two things. One is that ‘I really like this relationship and want it to continue’ or it could mean something deeper than that ‘I’m committed to doing whatever it takes to make this relationship work’. The couples that were willing to make sacrifices within their marriage were more likely to have lasting and happy marriages.

Activity

Let us all find a way to recommit ourselves to our spouse so we all can have a lasting and happy marriage. To successfully remind each other of how it used to be, or how much we love each other we need to take a little time out of each day to dedicate to our spouse. Here is a simple activity that can help.

1. Sit down with your spouse and then individually come up with a list of activities that you want to do with one another that could last between 10 – 30 minutes (this can include anything from cuddling for 15 minutes, walk around the block while holding hands, do an art project together, or activities that you used to do while you were dating).

2. Write these activities down on a piece of paper and then cute each activity out. Put all the individual pieces in a “Recommitment Jar”.

3. Set aside time each day with no distractions for two weeks and pull an activity out of the “Recommitment Jar” and complete it together.

* The idea here is to help remind each other that you have made a commitment to one another and you need to set aside time together every day to reconnect. After making a conscious effort for two weeks it should become easier to remind each other why you love one another.

Coming soon: How to grow closer together physically

References:

Larson, Jeffery H. (2003) The Great Marriage Tune-Up Book: A Proven Program for Evaluating and Renewing Your Relationship.

Wolpert, Stuart. (2012) Here is what real commitment to your marriage means. Retrieved from: http://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/here-is-what-real-commitment-to-228064