Every marriage experiences stress. No matter how much money the couple has, no matter how great the job is, stress is present. This coming July I will receive my bachelor’s degree, and just a side note to that, it has been a very stressful and difficult time for me and my husband. I worked full-time up until I had my baby boy 1 1/2 years ago. Along with working full-time, I also attended college full-time. Once my baby was born,
I decided that I would quit my job and focus on getting my degree. I have gone to school five semesters in a row full-time in order to get my degree as soon as possible. I have found that being a mom, student, and wife are all jobs that take 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. This has been a major stress in my life, especially since my husband could only work part-time while attending school. We lived on our savings every September until April each year until my husband graduated from college. Not only were finances a stress, but learning how to take care of a baby, and both of us attending college brought about a very stressful time. Fortunately, we are on the downhill side of this stress, but while each stress leaves, a new one arrives! We are now learning to take care of a house and yard, as well as learning to live completely on our own and away from family. It is a stressful experience no doubt, but through this stress we have been able to work together we have been able to work things out.
I decided that I would quit my job and focus on getting my degree. I have gone to school five semesters in a row full-time in order to get my degree as soon as possible. I have found that being a mom, student, and wife are all jobs that take 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. This has been a major stress in my life, especially since my husband could only work part-time while attending school. We lived on our savings every September until April each year until my husband graduated from college. Not only were finances a stress, but learning how to take care of a baby, and both of us attending college brought about a very stressful time. Fortunately, we are on the downhill side of this stress, but while each stress leaves, a new one arrives! We are now learning to take care of a house and yard, as well as learning to live completely on our own and away from family. It is a stressful experience no doubt, but through this stress we have been able to work together we have been able to work things out.
These are stresses that most people may feel in their marriage, but there are also many more in which people may feel throughout their lives.
There are many things in marriage that can cause stress. These things could potentially include:
- Work
- Children
- Finances
- House work
- Taking care of the house (outside)
- School (if one or both partners are attending college)
- Family relations / in-laws
In the second video, one of the ladies mentioned that when she was stressed, it caused her to make a choice she normally wouldn’t have. She chose to walk past her neighbor who had been battling cancer. When we are stressed in our marriage, it may cause us to make mistakes with our spouse, such as yelling at our spouse, getting after our spouse for not doing something, and putting your spouse or family second rather than thinking of them first and what their needs may be. These are just a few of the things that could happen when there is stress in marriage, and being aware of these things may help you to see that there needs to be a way to relieve the stress you or your spouse are feeling.
Stress and anger: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5vRCtIMLGw
In today’s world, there are also many different stresses then there were in the past. Our grandparents may have dealt with different types of stress than we may face today. In most cases, it is expected that a person graduates from high school, attends college, also gets a master’s degree, and if possible, a doctorate’s degree. This is a long list of schooling, as well as a lot of money, time, and effort. If the person gets married, then they will also need to support their spouse, and any children in the family. Not only this, but we are also faced with a number of different things that could make the stress in our relationships grow. The following are some extra day to day things that may cause stress in our marriages:
- Electronic devices
- Extended time at work
- Making enough money (it’s expensive to live!)
- The list of things to do
- Children’s schedules
These are just a few ideas that can definitely affect ones marriage, and they have just come about in the past couple years!
Activity:
- Think about the amount of time you and your spouse actually talk, face to face, without any distraction.
- Make a date! Plan a time in which you can reconnect, without any electronic devices, work related issues, put the list of things away, and find a babysitter for the children. This time is yours, for the marriage.
- Talk, discuss, and just learn more about each other!
The intimacy that talking brings into a marriage is more than just talking. It is the very experience of being together and sharing things with the other person. The list above provides a list of things that are stressful in a marriage, but they are a stress because they can take over the marriage, then the couple’s relationship is what gets left on the doorstep. Nowadays, you have MAKE TIME for your marriage and your partner, because our busy lives have begun to take over, causing stress and tension in marriage.
These are the things that pile on top of one another, creating a pile of things that must be done, and often times those are the things that cause stress. One thing on top of another could result in something called stress spillover. “Research focusing on the role of context in marriage has revealed that the more distressing elements of the environment - elements contributing to one’s level of stress - are associated with negative marital processes and outcomes, a phenomenon referred to as stress spillover” (Brock and Lawrence, p 1).
The basic question is, how much time are you spending with your spouse in order to create a happy, healthy marriage?
The above list may be a beginning of what causes stress, but there are also things that can make stress in marriage worse. Picture this: Assume you are heading home from work. You haven’t had anything to eat because there was a meeting at work during your lunch break. You barely had time to eat a granola bar for breakfast. You are driving on a stress that is packed with cars. Suddenly, a car cuts you off, which causes you to run a red light. From here on out, every light you come to turns red. When you walk in the house, your spouse calls from the other room, “Dear could you help me with some yard work before we have dinner?” What is your reaction? According to a study done by Cambridge University, “When the body starts to feel hungry, levels of the brain chemical serotonin, dip, causing a whirlwind of uncontrolled anxiety, stress and anger” (Huffington Post). Hunger can actually cause stress in your life to be expanded and seem bigger than the real problem may appear. On most days, you may be happy to help with work on the yard, but at this point, you may lose it. It is essential that in order to lessen stress in a marriage that you are doing all you can to keep your body healthy and happy. If you do, you may find it easier to deal with the daily stresses of life.
Check out this link for another video on how low blood sugar can affect you!
Stress will be present in every marriage, it is how you deal with it that matters. There are a variety of ways you can deal with stress on a daily basis. It is all about finding an outlet, a way to help you and your spouse deal with the stress that may be present in the marriage. There is not a perfect way of dealing with stress or getting rid of it, it is all about you and your spouse finding ways to deal with it. My husband and I, for example, were both feeling very stressed recently. I was working on school work and did not have enough time to finish everything I needed. He got home from a long day at working (he is a farmer) in the rain, mud, and was just filthy. He knew he needed to mow the lawn, spray the weeds, and fix many things in our house. When I saw him walk in the door, I told him that we both needed to de-stress. We took a walk, ate a simple dinner, and watched a movie. By the end of the evening, we felt much better. Keep following to see more ways that may help you and your spouse cope with stress.
Keep following and the next post will be on:
Part Three: What Happens When Stress is Present in Marriage
References:
Chan, Amanda L. (2013) Why Do We Get ‘Grumpy Hungry’? Retrieved from:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/06/grumpy-hungry-angry-hunger-ask-healthy-living_n_3824775.html
Huffington Post (2011) Is hunger making you angry?” Retrieved from: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2011/09/19/why-being-hungry-makes-you-angry_n_969631.html
Medicmagic (2010) Why do hungry people easily get angry? Retrieved from:http://medicmagic.net/why-do-hungry-people-easily-get-angry.html
Brock, Rebecca L.; Lawrence, Ericka (2008). A Longitudinal Investigation of Stress Spillover in Marriage: Does Spousal Support Adequacy Buffer the Effects? Retrieved from: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2366194/
No comments:
Post a Comment