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This blog is a way for couples to improve their marriage through improved intimacy, communication, and love. There are links and a search bar on the left to help you navigate the blog easier. Since this blog is about improving marital intimacy all of the post will discuss some aspect of marital intimacy; however, some posts will cover more than one topic. The tabs on the top of the page are there to help you learn more about our intimacy workshop. This workshop can help couples recover from poor marital intimacy caused by an assortment of problems.

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Monday, August 11, 2014

"I Got All I Need"




Rascal Flatts - Oklahoma Texas Line

Dr. Jennifer Kunst said, “Troubles in life come when we believe the myth that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.  We are taken over by envy, believing that other people have the good stuff and then feeling depressed, anxious, and persecuted by the belief that we have so little.  We are taken over by greed, wanting more and more and more, feeling that what we have cannot ever be enough”.

Sometimes in marriage we do the same thing. We look at the other side of the fence and think, “Hey the grass is greener on that side”. It can be really tempting to go to that other side where the grass looks greener, but is it really?

 Maybe you are not looking hard enough on your side to realize it has been green all along it just needed someone to take care of it. Water, fertilize, mow, and give it the nutrients it needs to become what it used to be. You will have to put forth some work no matter what side of the fence you are on.

We must tend the grass wherever we are. 

 
This song by Rascal Flatts is a good example of a guy who is happy with what he has. He’s got everything he will ever need with his girl by his side. He looks for the qualities in her that makes him happy like her long blonde hair or her big blue eyes. He appreciates how she takes off time from work to be with him and how she loves to have fun with him. He focuses on the positive instead of the negative qualities or things and events that may affect their relationship.

Activity #1

1. Take the time to sit down with your spouse and each of you write down the positive qualities that you like about one another.
2. Divide your paper into two sections. Section one is qualities and attributes that you admire about your spouse when you first met. Section two is qualities and attributes that you admire about your spouse right now.
3. Over time you will be able to think of more and more qualities that you admire about your spouse, continue to write them down as a good reminder of how much you love them.
4. Take turns sharing what you wrote about one another.


This activity should help you draw closer to one another and to realize the grass is really greener on your side. You are lucky to be with your spouse and you got everything you ever needed.

In an article written by Nathan Feiles, titled, The ‘Grass is Greener’ Syndrome, it says, “When the grass is greener on the other side, we’re usually (if not always) placing personal unhappiness with ourselves onto something outside of us — generally a partner, career, living environment, etc. We rely on polishing our external environment to soothe a deeper internal dissatisfaction. Though the environment changes when jumping the fence, after a brief internal high, without constant stimulation and newness, the dissatisfaction becomes the same”.

If this is true then it is not the fault of any person, job, house, or any other thing as to why we think the grass is greener on the other side, it is our own fault. The unhappiness is coming from within not from any outside source.  If this is the case then how can we become happy? How can we be satisfied with what we have right in front of us like this song describes?

There are so many different ways on how to be happy and satisfied with the life you have! You can search the Internet and find a million ways but I will share just a few that have helped me.

Stop being frustrated
Sometimes there is nothing you can do and you have no control over people or situations so replace anger with rational thinking. Just stop! When you start to think rationally you will be able to clear your thoughts and find a solution.

Be calm
As you take time to stop and think, meditate. Meditation has helped me to think clearly and purposefully. It also allows me to remember the blessings and gifts that I have received and that makes me very happy.

Don’t compare yourself with others
This is so easy to do and it is one of the biggest things that make you think the grass is greener on the other side. When you compare you don’t feel good about yourself and you become very unhappy.

Live simply and be grateful
You don’t have to own everything you “think” you want. Be simple is the way you live and don’t forget to be grateful for everything you do have.

Become happy today:
 Live life to the fullest and do it on purpose! Be meaningful in how you spend your time and do things with those you love most. Don’t wait until tomorrow to become happy.

James Marshall says, "The grass is greener on the side you water". Take his advice and water the grass that is on your side and it will turn greener than you ever could have imagined. 




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