Count On Me

You Can Count on Me

By: Bruno Mars

Finding trust in your marriage can bring about peace and happiness in your marriage. Learning to count on one another to be there through thick and thin creates a strong, healthy, lasting relationship. You must commit from the beginning to realize that if you and your spouse count on one another, you will find joy in spending time together, you will know you can count on the other to love and support you, and you will find yourself wanting to serve and care for your spouse even more than before. And all of these things together provide the loving, kind relationship that each person desires to have with their spouse.

“Trust is probably the most important ingredient in building an intimate relationship between husband and wife. Trust is something that can be cultivated and nurtured” (Heller).

As Heller (2013) states, trust is probably the most important ingredient to marriage. Why is it important to be there for your spouse? That is what marriage is all about. Without trust and being willing to give something up to be there for your spouse shows your spouse that you are more important than anything else. That brings about peace, happiness, and marital satisfaction. See each other and the needs of the other person, and strive to meet those needs so your spouse that know that you will be there for them. The trust between the two of you will grow, and your marriage will be blissful.

Heller (2013) gave some guidelines to building trust in your marriage.

Guidelines give by Rabbi Heller:

1.  Constantly work to improve your communication skills.

    a.  Learn to listen

    b. Use “I-statements”

2.  Take responsibility to express your needs and express them clearly and assertively.

    a.  Mistrust occurs when:

            i.    We are afraid of rejection

            ii.   Feelings of being ashamed for having needs

3.  Be positive and give pleasure

    a.  Express 5 positive things before one negative

4.  Don’t allow issues to go unresolved

    a.  Develop problem solving skills

    b. Resentment occurs when issues go unresolved

5.  Learn to fight fair.

    a.  No name calling or putdowns
    b. Keep to the issue

    c.   Never use “you never” or “you always”

    d.  Don’t bring in the family members into the conversation (to support your case)

    e.  Time out method can work great!

    f.    Don’t start a discussion (fight) late at night (you’re both tired, therefore motions may be out of control)

    g.  Use “I-Statements”

Here are some great guidelines to start your marriage going in a positive direction, where trust can be built. Try this activity with your spouse:

Activity:

1.  Sit down with your spouse and go over the guidelines above.

2.  Discuss a time in which the two of you had a disagreement or one partner became mistrustful of the other.

3.  Go through the steps again and resolve how the two of you could have handled the discussion.

There are many things about marriage that can be difficult and hard, but if there is that trust in the relationship, there can be the peace of mind in the relationship knowing that you can count on the other person to be there. That is what makes all the difference. A point that is essential to remember states, “Trust is one thing that takes a long time to build and a very short time to destroy” (Heller, p. 1). Remember that it takes time and effort to build trust in a relationship, and that is the very reason it is worth it to strive to always be trustworthy. If you are, you will find that peace and happiness in your marriage in knowing that both you and your partner can trust one another through any experience you may go through.

Heller, Rabbi Dov (2013). How to Build Trust in Marriage. Retrieved from:http://www.aish.com/f/m/48957116.html