What I Wish I Would Have Known Before My Wedding Night: Physically

The wedding night can be a big deal for some and not such a big deal for others. But either way, there is a lot that people wish they would have known before their wedding night. The following are suggestions that would be helpful to know ‘physically’ before your wedding night:

What I Wish I Would Have Known Before My Wedding Night: Emotionally

The wedding night can be a big deal for some and not such a big deal for others. But either way, there is a lot that people wish they would have known before their wedding night. The following are suggestions that would be helpful to know ‘emotionally’ before your wedding night:

Lack of Intimacy: Hormone Levels

 Hormone Levels:

A woman’s hormone levels naturally fluctuate throughout the month, making her somewhat more or less inclined towards sex at various points. Pregnancy, lactation and menopause can also impact hormone levels.

Lack of Intimacy: Medical Conditions

Medical Conditions:

For some women serious medical conditions may be limiting their desire for physical intimacy. This might make physical intimacy painful, or dangerous, which can lead to the lack of desire for it.

Lack of Intimacy: Trust Issues

Trust Issues:

For some women, physical intimacy is a big commitment. They may have not yet gained their spouses trust, or they have lost trust in their spouse, therefore, they feel the lack of desire for physical intimacy.

Lack of Intimacy: Focusing on Depression

 Depression:

For some women depression might be the reason for the lack of desire for physical intimacy. Depression can affect many areas in your life, especially physical intimacy.

Lack of Intimacy: Focusing on Childhood Abuse

  Childhood Abuse:

Some women may have had experiences in their lives that cause them to be afraid of physical intimacy. They might feel pain, fear, and shame associated with physical intimacy or sexual experiences.

Lack of Intimacy: Focusing on Lack of Respect

Lack of respect:

For some women it might be extremely difficult to desire intimacy with someone who does not show genuine love or who consistently diminishes your worth and value in some way.

Male and Female Communication

We all know men and women are different. But one thing I think we sometimes forget is the difference in communication between men and women. As a woman I sometimes get frustrated because my husband doesn’t express his feelings and always tries to “fix” my problems.   In order to improve emotional intimacy it’s important to understand some of the differences between men and women in communication so you can try to adapt your communication to the opposite sex.

These traits are not completely true for all men or women, but in general they show the difference in communication style. Understand that there is a difference in communication can help with more effective communication with your spouse.

Taking About Sex

Communicating about sex is in an important aspect of physical intimacy.  It can sometimes be uncomfortable subject to bring up or talk about, but taking the time to talk about sex can bring peace and a greater ability to have a better experience with your spouse. Some people think that it ruins the mood to use verbal communication while you make love.  Couldn't be further from the truth.  If it feels good tell your spouse.  If it hurts tell your spouse.  Nothing kills the mood faster than pain.   The presence of open communication about sex brings both sexual and overall satisfaction in a relationship.

Lack of Initimacy: Unforgiveness, Grief, Bitterness, Anger & Hate

Unforgiveness, Grief, Bitterness, Anger and Hate:

Some women may be harboring feelings that consume their thoughts and keep them from having the desire to be physically intimate. These feelings do not even have to be directed towards your spouse, but they might still affect your sex drive.

Lack of Physical Intimacy: Lack of Privacy

Here is the fourth post on lack of desire for physical intimacy focusing on lack of privacy:

Intimacy After Baby: Physical Intimacy

 

After the birth of a baby there is a limit on the mothers ability to engage in sexual intercourse, however there are things that couples can do to remain physically intimate. Some things they can do is hold hand, offer each other massages, take time to hug each other, cuddling, and engaging in passionate kissing. It’s important to stay physically active with your spouse as you continue to bond in your new roles of being parents.

When a couple is ready to engage in physical intimacy it is important to remember that the time for each other is different and more restricted with the baby. Time together requires much more planning than before, and it brings fewer opportunities for being spontaneous. You may have to plan around your baby’s schedule.  Not only is time a factor in this new stage of life, but also the energy you have for each other. After being up all night with a crying baby the last thing you want to do is take the effort of being physically intimate with your spouse. One of the most important things a couple can do to enhance their intimacy is make a conscious effort to make time for one another and even when you aren’t in the mood at the moment, take time to get in the mood. If you take the time to make the effort and be actively engaged in your intimate life as a couple, there will be an adjustment period, but you will find your relations as fulfilling as ever with your new bond of being parents together.  

                                                                                                                  

Photo Credit to: Lisa McDonald

                                   

Lack of Physical Intimacy: Busyness, Stress, & Anxiety

 

Here is the third post on lack of desire for physical intimacy focusing on busyness, stress, and anxiety:

Busyness, stress, and anxiety:

Some women might simply feel that they have too much to do. With all the pressures and stresses on their mind they might feel like they don’t have enough time to relax and be physically intimate. Or less they might not be able to handle the emotional pressure of being physically intimate while also addressing all the stressor's in their life.

Intimacy after Baby: Women's Perspective

When you have had a baby you instinctively go into mama bear mode. You have carried your baby for the past nine months, now that your baby has entered the world he or she is now your full focus. With all your focus on the baby don’t forget to make your husband a priority in your life. After the initial healing time it still may be difficult to engage in sexual relations. It also may seem like your husband is always wanting to be intimate. One of the most important things that you can do to help make a difference in your intimate relationship is making effort.  Being tired and dealing with the changes in your body may make it hard to be in the mood. If you have decided to nurse some women experience breast tenderness.  While your body is also going to be more tired while producing milk it’s important to take time for intimacy. When you make an effort for intimacy it can result in a pleasurable experience for you, as well as for your husband. 

Photo Credit to: Lisa McDonald

What Do You Wish You Would Have Known The Night of Your Wedding?

I am planning on doing a series of blog posts to educate newlyweds on how their wedding night can be special! 

What do you wish you would have known about physical and emotional intimacy before your wedding night? 

Please respond anonymously! Thank you! 

Picture By: Carolyn Anderson  

Intamacy After Baby: Men's Perspective

New fathers understand that sexual activity stops after the birth of baby, they know that mom needs to have time to heal. During this time period men don’t feel frustrated or upset with the lack of intimacy. Instead most men find themselves content with their new role of fatherhood and the new bond they have formed with their wife. Once a couple is ready to engage in physical intimacy men are usually active in pursuing intimacy. Usually they seek out the opportunity and are initiating the first step. After always being the pursuer men may see it as becoming tedious and unrewarding. Continue to be patient with your wife. Try and understand some of the challenges she is going through as a new mom. Offer a back massage to help her better relax before intimacy. 

Photo Credit to: Lisa McDonald

Intimacy After Baby: Emotional Intimacy

After the birth a baby emotional intimacy is especially strong. There is something about having a tiny precious human, which you as a couple created that brings a new form of closeness never experienced before. The baby brings a new sense of strength and understanding the relationship.  Instead of sexual activity love is expressed by showing commitment to the family.  After the birth of a child there is a lack of sexual activity that is natural so the mother can have time to physically heal. It is important to take this time to enjoy each others company and the joy of being new parents. Talk to each other about the fears and joys of being parents. While the baby is sleeping, take time to take care of yourselves, sometimes this just means having ten minutes to take a shower. And take care of your relationship. While you aren’t focused on physical intimacy, use the time to rekindle your love for one another, and your new found love for your baby. 

Photo Credit to: Lisa McDonald