Unforgiveness, Grief, Bitterness, Anger and Hate:
Some women may
be harboring feelings that consume their thoughts and keep them from having the
desire to be physically intimate. These feelings do not even have to be
directed towards your spouse, but they might still affect your sex drive.
Personal
Experience:
When Tina is upset about something that
happened during the day, that didn’t even have to do with her spouse, she
reverts to avoiding physical intimacy with her husband. It is hard for her to
feel ‘in the mood’ when she has feelings of anger and frustration from
something earlier in the day.
What
research has found:
If you hold on to
negative feelings, disappointments, annoyances, hate,
insensitivity, and anger, you are wasting both your time and your energy.
Nursing a perceived hurt can eventually make it in to something more - hate and
extreme bitterness. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has grumpy days. Many people
say things they do not mean now and then. Everyone needs to forgive and to be
forgiven. No relationship,
especially a marriage relationship, can be sustained over a long period of time
without forgiveness. Even though you may find it find it difficult to forgive,
being able to forgive is crucial in marriage. Lack of
forgiveness can wear you down. Additionally, being unforgiving is not good for either your physical and mental well-being.
What you can do:
There
are a few tips to help with this: First, make sure you are open with your
spouse. If you had a bad day, then talk to your spouse about it so that they
will know how you’re feeling. Second, try to let the anger and bitterness go
that you experienced earlier in the day. Remember that if you let go of the negative
feelings then you will feel a lot better. One way to do this is finding a way
to relax. If you are relaxed it will be easier to let those negative feelings
go. Lastly, when you spend intimate time with your spouse make sure you are
fully there, forgetting those feelings you had earlier in the day and focusing
on what is currently taking place.
Photo By Michal Marcol
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